..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Randomize
