I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
