Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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