bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
