Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
You pole danced in your parka.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
