Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
