why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
