they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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