Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Randomize
