dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
