I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
