My nipple is on Facebook.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
