she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
