just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
