We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
im calling her cock vulture from now on
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
