im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
