Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
