At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
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