So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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