he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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