So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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