don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
the night ended with taco bell and tears
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
