i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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