i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
