I must be too annoying 4 u.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Randomize
