just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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