What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
