OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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