wat bout pragnant strippers??
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
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