Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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