4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
