Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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