hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
