Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
