I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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