Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Randomize
