The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
