There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
