Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
