dude i'm inner monologue high
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
