Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
