tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Randomize
