that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
