you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
