You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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