yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
