So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
