Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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