This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
zippers are such a cool invention
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
