yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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