I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
