hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
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