yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
