Your dad touched me again.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
