Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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