And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
