This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
40s are totally the cure
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
