Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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