I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
