I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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