in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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