I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
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